I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
