You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
