Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
