Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
