He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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