Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
