When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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