I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
