I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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