I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so let's talk penis.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
