Please, let me fuck your mom
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
