i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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