Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
