Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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