he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
