I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
