How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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