You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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