dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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