is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
