If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
