Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
