You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
