I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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