I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
