My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
