Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
