been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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