Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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