it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
