Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
