JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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