I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
