I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
