youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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