You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
