I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
