Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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