he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want her autograph on my taint
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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