Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
