before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
