I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
