remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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