Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
