Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
