trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
