i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
