i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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