I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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