so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize