Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
