I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize