I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
