The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What a dumb baby whore.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
