uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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