Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
