i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
