I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize