just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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