i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
