If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
