i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
