We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
