I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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