We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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