hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
