What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
