Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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