What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
