Whod you bang
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize