just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
