So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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