I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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