I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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