the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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