i just wanna soil my oats bro
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
