when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
