I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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