My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
