One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
