Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
