Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
