Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
