The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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