I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize