then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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