Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
