I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
