history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize