Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
