Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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