You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
