You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize