then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
