were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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