My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
