I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
