so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
