At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
