saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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