hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
