VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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