We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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