Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You ruined the universe
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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