Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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